Abusive / toxic behavior

Toxic / Abusive people may...

• treat us like extensions of themselves. If we're not perfect, if we make mistakes, if we don't do exactly what they tell us to do when they tell us to do it, they may start treating us like failures, or disappointments. (And they're the ones who define right and wrong, so often we're in a perpetual no-win loop.)
• treat us like objects-- toys that are wonderful, exciting, and adorable! Until they actually have to, you know, take care of us, or give up something for us, or if people pay more attention to us than to them, or-- gasp!-- we want to think for ourselves, or disagree with them. (How dare we?!)
• treat us like confidants and counselors and shoulders to cry on (and beat on-- verbally or physically or both).
• treat us like scapegoats. We get blamed for everything, sometimes for things that happened before we met them-- all so the toxic can believe that they are truly without fault.
• treat us like they're proof of their amazingness. See what good people they are? Obviously all of our successes are because they're wonderful people... and all of our failures are because we're horrible people who won’t listen to them!

 What they almost never do is...

• show us respect, or compassion-- or at least basic courtesy!
• accept that we have flaws and faults, gifts and talents.
• treat us like actual human beings-- not targets.

You deserve better than what they can give you.

“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.”
(Jack Kornfield, Buddha's Little Instruction Book)

It's good to be kind to others-- but it's okay to be kind to yourself, too.

Ready, Aim, RAGE - Who does your toxic target?

NB: This definitely isn't an academic work! I'm trying to describe a spectrum of general toxic behavior-- not every N / toxic does all of these things consistently. (And of course, the note about bigotry isn't limited to people with PDs.) 

Description: Red target symbol with a yellow arrow at its center.