And if it happens again and again, maybe you start to wonder if you're sending out signals to toxic people. "Hey, you! Yeah, you, you big A-hole! Are you looking for someone to lie to or bully or scapegoat or scream at or beat up? Because I'm totally available!"
And over time, it starts feeling like you can never have a healthy relationship. You're never going to have a friend, a co-worker, a partner we can trust, because sooner or later, it's going to turn out that they're toxic, and you'll have to get away from them, and start all over again.
And that sucks.
But you're NOT a magnet for an abuser. What's happening is that you've normalized abusive behavior.
Sometimes, it's a self-protection thing-- because calling them out on their actions is dangerous, or you realize you can't get away immediately, or you just can't deal with the idea that this person you care for is abusive.
Sometimes, it's a self-doubt thing-- maybe you're over-reacting, and just being a big drama llama again.
Sometimes, it's a self-esteem thing-- you're so used to dealing with toxic behavior, that you feel like you don't deserve anything better. If you just tried harder, or weren't such a failure at everything, they wouldn't be angry at you.
But whatever it is, it's something that you can push back against, all right? You're not going to be stuck in crappy relationships for the rest of your life.
So if you start to wonder if maybe you're exaggerating or something, ask yourself this: how you would feel if someone else was in your situation? Would you think they deserved it? Or would you think they were being mistreated, and they have the right to walk away?
No comments:
Post a Comment