Self-validation: swap places

So self-doubt is a PITA to deal with. It's bad enough that you're dealing with all the crap that comes along with recovering from abuse, but when you start to question yourself, too? Yeah. No fun.

Maybe I'm just too sensitive? 

Maybe I'm over-reacting-- maybe it wasn't that bad?

Maybe if I just tried harder to understand them?

Maybe it isn't their fault? I mean, they were abused as a kid.

Maybe I'm the problem. Maybe I'm the abuser.

If that starts going around in your head, ask yourself this: if someone else-- a friend, a family member, a co-worker, whatever-- was in your situation, and asked for your opinion, what would you say?

Would you tell them they were the one to blame? That they were abusive? That they should go apologize, and quit being dramatic?

Or would you tell them that they hadn't done anything wrong? That their partner had no right to scream at them. That their family member shouldn't have thrown the coffee cup at them. That it was okay for them to be angry-- that you'd be angry, too-- that you're angry for them!

Part of recovery from abuse, is learning to show yourself the same compassion you would show to someone else. It isn't always easy, but it's still very important.